Que dis-tu?

You know your parents are getting old when the vacation they are looking for isn’t roaming around the Streets of some strange city, but lying on a beach all day doing nothing.

That awkward moment when you post your Skype username on Facebook thinking only your friends can see the post, but in fact it was a public post, and then you get friend requests from who the fuck knows who… .

you can only see so many rocks.

I started a new blog, not as if I need anymore.
But here I actually write stuff,
(inshAllah)
so if you’re interested in reading stuff.
 
For now it’s only nonfiction, kind of documentary,
But who knows what will become of it.

http://napkinramblings.blogspot.com/

There ya go.

Life is big.

Every one.
I hate everyone.

So here’s an update on my experience throughout the protests in Istanbul. Yesterday I arrived at my school at noon to turn in a final and found a peaceful protest happening outside. Luckily, there were no police around at that moment. Our professor took us out into the protest and we stuck around for a while. After turning in the exam me and my two Turkish friends wanted to try and find our way to Taksim Square, the main center of the protests. Most roads to Taksim were blocked off by police so we took a back way and got pretty close. The Streets were all filled with protesters, carrying flags, banging pots and pans, spray panting the Streets with words against the police and the prime minister.
This movement has grown to be for so much more than just a park. All the accumulated greivances against the government are no coming out. And the brutality that the police is exercising against the peaceful protesters says a lot about the government. Even more than that, the Turkish media is saying NOTHING about these events. As a CNN reporter said, “Imagine that there is a war happening in Times Square and there’s no news broadcast in the country about this. This is actually what’s happening now in Turkey…”

And the President and Prime Minister are ignoring it all like nothing wrong has happened.
For now the police have left Taksim square, but who knows whether they will come back or not.

Last night I wanted to make it to my university to see some friends. I live a seven minute walk away from the school. My school is situated right in the middle of Besiktas Square, a more quiet, but still popular area located close to Taksim. Just after leaving my door I could feel the tear gas. It burns your throat, your nose, your eyes. Makes your skin sweat and the sweat burns your skin. I felt like I was bleeding through my mouth, nose, and eyes. Even with my mask and scarf over my face.

On my way to school I ran into some of my friends. We gathered together and found that the police were headed down the main road towards our university. They were throwing canisters of gas and using water canons to clear people out of the way. I wanted to get as close as possible to get some photographs and you can see the video I took (it’s on Facebook). I went as close as I could before I couldn’t keep my eyes open from the gas.

It didn’t take long for the police to push their way forward to be in front of my school. Many people were trapped Inside the university. People who were just passer-bys and were trapped from the gas. The students and police negotiated for about an hour until they finally let all the people out, but many students stayed behind to try and block the road to prevent the police from getting further to the other protests happening in Ortakoy.

I saw police throw canister of gas into my school. I ran with the students to escape it. We were all trapped Inside for some time. My head was pounding with pain and I needed to go home to take médicine and sleep. I thought it was all over after a while so I tried to exit the university and was greeted with students running in retreat from clouds of gas. The police were still there and gasing the students for no apparent reason. I had to take a back route and still I was surrounded by gas. I had to run with my eyes closed to get out.

Eventually I made it home safely.

There is one thing I can say about these events. Even though all this brutality is happening, it is really bringing the people together and the hospitality that I have wtinessed between everyone is amazing. My university opened it’s doors to everyone and treated the wounded. Every time we retreated from the gas there were people to offer us water, milk, and lemon juice to ease the pain. People were handing out masks to protect from the gas. On the Streets that were being attacked people were opening their doors and letting people take refuge and escape the gas. It’s an amazing thing to witness and I am proud and honored to stand up for human rights and for the citizens of Turkey.

So yesterday was the potential beginning of what could be something big here in Türkiye. After a three day peaceful protest to protect a park in Taksim square, the police finally turned on the protesters with tear gas, rubber bullets, water hoses, pepper spray, and who knows what else. Unfortunately, the night of May 31st, (where all of Istanbul was roaring in protests and sounding through the Streets until five in the morning) I was finishing up my final video project that I’ll be presenting today. So I couldn’t join in the masses.

However, seeing as I was awake until six am anyways working, when I finally finished I decided to take a stroll through Besiktas square now that the city has calmed down a bit.

I have never seen the Streets so trashed before. There was broken glass and overturned chunks of cement everywhere. The square reeked of (what I’m assuming is) tear gas. The simit stands glass Windows were shattered, multiple bus station glass panels were shattered, and metal fences were smashed down into the Streets which were pooled with water and trash.

I saw many people out, who I’m assuming, had been out all night. It was easy to tell by looking at them. They were exhausted, had scarfs wrapped around their necks (used to protect from tear gas) and some were even carrying their own homemade gas masks.

Besides these people I saw a crowd of police marching through the street. To where they were headed who knows. I didn’t feel like following them.

So maybe this is the end of things, or maybe this is just the beginning. What began as a simple protest against another shopping mall in a city of cement has turned into a massive outrage against the president and prime minister and the brutality of the police force. Similar protests and attacks have spread across the country in many different cities. Also, the Turkish media is not covering this situation at all. It’s all being censored.

We will see where this is headed,
I hope it only ends for the better.
And I’m sorry that I am leaving so soon after
this is beginning. I’d like to stay and see it through.

That’s all for now,
good morning & good night.

Turkish police are acting incredibly violent towards peaceful protesters in Istanbul. Attacking them with waves tear gas and pepper spray. And the Turkish media refuses to cover it as the media is ran by the government. Already over 100 seriously injured and several deaths.

Please spread the word/pray/whatever you do, for Turkey right now.

to think that going into debt is the worst
decision I have ever made in my life.

I’ll probably say something awful like,

You’re stupid
Fuck off
I hate you

but what I really mean is,

You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
and I’m madly in love with you
and I know you don’t want me.

Everytime I get on tumblr I get really tired of reading about
gay rights, minority rights, womens rights, let’s all be democrats, Obama is awesome, etc.
People are all just people & I wish no one would care about whatever race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, whatever they are.
And by that I mean the activists & the discriminators.

I don’t know. People annoy me.
All of them.

-If the police are searching you and a group of friends and you are a girl they will NOT pat you down or stick their hands in your pockets. (So hide the shit on a girl).

- PS I have never seen a female police officer in Turkey.

- The police do not take kindly to marijuana.

- Some of them are real dickwads.

That’s all.

Come and touch
the hidden things underneath
the skin that’s rough

Maybe it’s gooey
not quite clean
but nothing can be
so clearly seen

Think it’s empty?
cut open the flesh
it’s full of fresh breath

I’ve always wondered what I would do on days like Christmas if I end up
growing up to live alone, never marry, and never have children.

I think the best solution would be to sit around
with my best friends (assuming they’ll end up alone like me)
and get stoned out of our minds
and watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia all damn day long
and not give a fuck about it.

Don’t complain about what you have,
you’ll miss it when it’s gone.

Today was International Day at my uni. Where everyone celebrates all the different nations that people come from who study at BAU.
Pretty much the whole garden of the uni gets filled with tents a tables and each country has a table to represent themself with.
Unfortunately, none of the Americans wanted to take on the task of running our table so the duty fell onto Michael and I.
The uni gave us 200 liras to buy things for our stand and Michael and I decided to make coco-cola floats (because they don’t have root beer), smores and hamburgers.
It was difficult to find marshmallows in this country and when we did they were crazy expensive, but we found them!
It was kind of stressful to buy everything and bring it to uni. We did the morning of. So Michael and I decided to get a little day drunk to make us feel better.
Then when we put the whole stand together Michael got pretty upset with me cuase I kept ditching him and then he soaked me with the water gun we bought (with part of our money from the uni).
Honestly our best purchase was the water gun and a frisbee.

Half way throughout the day I decided to put on the Pakistani dress that Sameer had brought me from Pakistan back in January. I felt soooo awesome, but I think it confused people cause I’m so white and everyone kept asking me where I was from.

The best part was playing my accordion on stage. Everyone really liked it. I was an American representing the US, wearing a Pakistani dress, and playing an Italian instrument. It was brilliant.

The other best part was when someone walked by carrying a Belgian flag. I freaked out, because there was no Belgium stand and I didn’t see any of the Belgians at school. I asked the guy where he got the flag from, (he was Turkish), and he was like -
“Oh, I’m from Germany”
 
and so I called him an aptal and told him that that wasn’t even the German flag and took it from him and carried it around for the rest of the day.

Brilliant day, brilliant people, in a brilliant place.

I can’t believe everything,
even if it’s true
There is something about the way
you look at me
I guess you don’t realize it,
but I most certainly do.

Your eyes burn through my skin
they see straight into my soul
how could you not have known this before?

And now everything is normal,
just like it was before

I’m left starving
and always yearning for more

I’m always looking ahead,
so I’ll try to pause and look at right now first:

My final projects are all approaching their due dates soon.
This is so nerve-wracking.
The thing about creating something you’re passionate about
is that it makes you vulnerable.
Showing that thing to people is scary.
But when you do something that you can be proud of,
and something that has meaning to you
and it ends up good?
Then it’s all worth it and more so.

And these are just little things,
hopefully just a taste of the future to come.

Now, to look ahead:

I’m really excited about next semester of school.
This one hasn’t even finished yet and I’m already
stoked for the next one.
I think it’s because I’ll be at a brand new campus,
meeting new people again and (inshallah) making friends.
Being back with old friends and being back in a city
where I can ride my bike wherever the fuck I want.

But of course I don’t want the semester to start before the summer.
Let’s see how far I can stretch the left over of my student loans
this summer.

Places I’d like to visit are -
Reno
Portland
Chicago
New York City

The best part about all these places is that I would have
a free place to stay in all of them.
But I still don’t know if I’ll have the time or the means.
So we’ll see where this summer takes me.

Then planning for the even further away future begins.
What the fuck do you do after you graduate college?